The Date From Hell

         Okay guys. We need to have a serious chat. I have heard countless “date from hell” stories time and time again from my friends, and I am sure they are sick of hearing them from me as well. 99% of the time, it’s not even the fact that the date was bad, it usually boils down to one simple comment that should have been avoided all together. There are some things that should just not be said. Fine, say them to your friends, your “bros,” whoever you confide in, but not to the girl you are taking out. I recently went out with a guy who said multiple inappropriate things, which in turn, made me write him off entirely. This is why I decided to ask around, and compile a list of things guys should not say on a first date…or any date really. Keep in mind, every sentence on this list, or action below, has actually been said or done to myself, or a friend of mine. Sure, you can think what you want, tell your friends afterwards, but do not say it out loud in her presence. While I do understand that as females we tend to over think things, how can you not expect “You’re such a typical woman” to not be offensive? On one level, this is completely hilarious, but on another, it makes me worry for the future.
      Now guys, I know you are all sitting there thinking “Fuck you Alex.” Sorry…but at least if you didn’t know not to say these things before, you certainly know not to now! Girls, picture yourself out with an adorable guy and he opens his mouth and then one of these gems comes out..hopefully you get a good laugh. Have you ever had an experience like this?

 “You look like a guy I know.”

“All girls do is cause headaches.”

“There is a serious lack of babes at DePaul.”

“Do you know how much implants cost?”

“I’m like, REALLY, wealthy.”

“So are we going back to your place or mine?”

“My hair looks as good as yours does right now.”

“You’re dress is slutty.” Think it, but don’t say it outloud.

“Your ass is fat, in a good way.”

“I thought I was going to marry my ex girlfriend.”

Do not ask a girl out and then wait until the end of the date to say “So…I don’t have any money.”

“You remind me of my ex-girlfriend.” 

“So, why don’t you already have a boyfriend?”

“I have to take a shit.”

“So if I buy you dinner, will you for sure have sex with me?”

“What’s the weirdest place you have ever had sex?”

“What’s it like being rich?”

*DO NOT go out on a date and chew tobacco*

“Can you order something less expensive?”

“If it wasn’t for abortions, I would be the father of ten kids right now.”

“If you didn’t have your laugh, you wouldn’t be funny.”

“I shot someone once…”

“My ex-girlfriend is pregnant.”

“Yeah…I’m like an alcoholic.”

“I would like to be married within the next five years.” (Don’t say this to another 18 year old…)

*Do not already go publicly hunting for another date with a girl before you take your already planned date out.*