"He’s Just Not that Into You."

alpluslex

10 years ago

Photo Credit: Man Repeller

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Six simple words. Would it really be that hard to say? Recently, I have noticed a pattern among my girlfriends. With my ventures back into the dating world, as you may have read about here, it is expected that not every guy I’ve gone out with is a keeper. Sometimes, admittedly, it’s not my choice. When something appears to be askew, and I go to my girlfriend about it, I usually get an uplifting response excusing the irregular actions (or lack there of) that causes me to second guess how I am feeling about that particular situation.

“He cancelled plans. Three nights in a row.”

“He’s probably just super busy with work.”

“Oh my gosh you are so right. I’m just being silly.”

Sound familiar?

Photo Credit: Man Repeller

In reality, you are not just being silly, your involvement with that guy is heading downhill fast. We have all been there, done that. Conjuring up a guys interest in you can be a shot in the dark, a very lengthily shot. When a guy is 100% straight forward with you, he probably shits glitter and rainbows too. While these chums probably send us plenty of red flags to avoid inevitable heartbreak, we choose to turn a blind eye. Why would we do this? Probably because our friends lie to benefit us. Point blank, your best friend is never going to look at you and spew out “He’s just not that into you.”
While pondering this subject the other night, I came upon the realization that women lie to each other in order to protect one another, but I have never had a male friend lie to me regarding my pursuits of the opposite sex. Granted, men are prevalently not as sensitive as women, but I would rather have someone tell me like it is. I sat nursing a heaping plate of orange chicken one day while discussing a failed fling with a close guy friend, inquisitively whining to him about how I could not figure out why things had suddenly changed, plans had been consistently cancelled, and a guy that had once seemed so well rounded and attractive could suddenly become so immature and flaky. It was like a light switch had been flipped off and I had been left in the pitch black…kind of like Helen Keller…but exceptionally well dressed. Rather briskly into the conversation, he cut me off and said “he just thought you were hot.” It was like a back handed compliment; a slap in my perfectly contoured cheeks. While this was not the best, or worst, thing to hear come out of his mouth, it was like ripping off a band aid. There was no “let’s play the guessing game,” or anticipation of things getting rekindled to their original state, it was over as fast as it had started, and that was that.

Photo Credit: Lena Ker

In the end, by trying to protect each other, we are just dragging out the destined fate of those red flags and causing ourselves more harm then good. Women have become a sanctuary for each others fears, we constantly coddle each others thoughts. Genuinely, if we did not have a reason to decode the Egyptian hieroglyphics that were his last text message with our best group of girl friends, we would not have brought it up in the first place. Next time you feel that something is off, feasibly, it is, and no matter how many times your friends say he “was just preoccupied,” they are diffusely being dishonest with you. As girls, we know exactly what we are doing when we ask our friends for their opinion on a male dominated situation. We are indirectly asking them to lie to us, cover up the truth, and prolong the harsh realizations ahead. While debating the fact that our friends will never tell us the cold hard truth, or utter the words “he’s just not the into you,” with another StreetStyleChimember, I came to this conclusion: they shouldn’t have to.
Conversely, men lie to women as much as we lie to each other, but in very obscure ways. One thing I absolutely cannot wrap my head around, is the fact that guys cannot just end things in a direct form. It would be copiously in-complex for the man, and the woman, if he would just say “I’m not that into you.” Alright, maybe not those exact words, but somewhere along those lines would be extremely helpful. Why try to push us away? This seems like strenuous effort, when you probably will not obtain the result you desire. When a girl wants something to workout, she will ignore the irrational behavior being demonstrated at all costs. While I still do not understand this concept, I am now playing my own guessing game as to how this could benefit the male (or giving) end. Is the man slowly trying to deteriorate the relationship (fling, thing, etc) and have the girl realize it so that when the actual break up comes, she will apprehend it? Without a doubt, they are just dragging the cluster fuck that they have created out further. While as strong females we should have the audacity to end something that is just not right, we often do not, so the guys warped plan in the end fails. I suppose that on some level, this is a guys version of trying to protect our feelings, which I still find extremely strange. Do they not realize that by playing these games, it makes the whole process of ending whatever it was, stickier then it needed to be? I once had a mutual guy friend with a guy I was seeing. When things started deviating from the norm with this particular guy, I was told he was trying to “make himself as unattractive as possible to me in order to avoid confrontation.” Is that not the dumbest thing you have ever heard?

Essentially what I am grasping at here, is the fact that girls would not have a reason to protect their friends feelings through lying if guys were direct. The female sex should not have to learn to read the numerous signs of when a guy is no longer interested. This is not what we signed up for. While I do realize men go through the same trials and tribulations, that is a whole different animal, that I am sure can be told exceedingly better from a male perspective. Maybe, just one day, the game of dating will become a whole lot less complicated. That, my friends, is a colossal maybe. In the end, there are only a few other men that I will ever instill my total trust in besides my Father and my Brother. That would be Christian Louboutin, Alexander Wang, and Oscar de la Renta.

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